7:52 AM Everything's Normal, I guess?

Why am I convincing myself that I'm not afraid when I know that I'm scared to death?

"I'm not afraid of being alone"

 - when the truth is I can't even walk on the hallway of my school without a companion. without thinking that they are not looking at me, without those thoughts that people might be talking bad things about me.

"I'm proud on how I look like"

 - when the truth is I keep on hiding my body, afraid to be teased fat. Trying to hide my body with layers of clothes on no matter how hot the weather is. 

"I do like the new environment here."

 - hiding all my fear in embracing new places, new people to interact with. trying to know on how should I act. trying my best not to be awkward in front of them. 

It's better not to be noticed at all than to be judge for not who you are. 

I thought i'm fine, i'm okay. I thought I'm ready on being separated with the people I know for a long time. But no. I keep on convincing myself with those thoughts when my brain and heart is teaming up to tell me "no  you're not". Painful, too painful than blades that used to run over my skin.

It's not bullying.

New school! nice facilities, cool instructors, great quality of teaching. But don't ask me on how my classmates treat me. I'm not a loner. I had a friend.
 A friend.
 What makes me feel that I'm alone? It's because they don't treat me like i'm one of them. In fact, I feel that I'm being hated. I don't know why. I don't remember doing anything bad at my classmates. I'm trying to cope up with them. I'm really trying to. But every time I talk, no one listens to me. even when i'm trying to help. all my suggestions are being trashed away.  bakit ganun? lagi naman kaming magkasama ee, pero tuwing siya na yung kausap nila parang okay lang. pero bat pag ako kung hindi pambabara e parang nagsalita ako sa hangin? sana ako na lang yung may mali, sana hindi sa dahilan na sadyang ayaw lang nila sakin. 

Now it feels like waking up to get ready for studying.. just studying. with no friends that makes you excited to go to school.. no friends to talk about your cats cuddles and jokes to laugh about..

How do I survive Everyday?

Keeping myself busy! 

Brightening my morning by kissing and playing with my cats! I like bathing them, feeding them, playing with those furballs, and even dumping their smelly litters.

I hate vacant.  I don't like waiting for the instructors to come. I want my subjects loaded. That takes me away from my thought of being a wallflower. I never thought that I'd be inlove with programming. CODES CODES CODES and more CODES PLEASE ! I'm even happy when my instructors told us about upcoming quizzes. So excited on the prelims next week :3 AND WOW ! SAM GETS THRILLED WITH HER STUDIES AGAIN ! HOOORAY ! 

God will never leave me.. He will never let me give up on the trials I  have right now.. 

Comforting Bible verses that makes Sam Strong!

James 1:12

Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which [the Lord] has promised to those who love Him.

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it.

1 Peter 4:12

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you;

Romans 8:28

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose

Philippians 4:6-7

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Matthew 5:10-12

"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. "Blessed are you when men cast insults at you, and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely, on account of Me. "Rejoice, and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

(more bible verses about trials and tribulations here:<3

GOD SPEED!